I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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