I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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