end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
