Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
