Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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