fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
