Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
