I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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