my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
