Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
