Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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