He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's the barista slut.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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