fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
