We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
