i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know her cup size but not her name....
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