Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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