i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
