and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
