She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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