My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
