Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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