I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
