Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
