My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
