i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
