Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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