I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
