I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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