i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
