just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
