If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
