i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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