Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
