Your face is a jimmy john
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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