That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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