coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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