i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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