WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
