sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
