Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
