Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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