I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
