How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
