good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize