I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
