also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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