Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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