how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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