im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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