Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
