It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
