I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
