You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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