You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
