i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
