the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
