Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
