Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
