I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
