Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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