life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
