y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
