She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
