There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
